Jack Daniels

OMG! What did I do to myself?! I feel so stupid for choosing this career! After almost 10 years of hard work, I’ve finally finished my master of psychology courses successfully. I have now passed the requirements for starting therapy work under supervision. Everybody is excited and congratulates me, except myself. I really do want to be a therapist and, yes, studying Psychology in a second language has been really hard, but actually practicing in a second language, with real people! What a nightmare!

The first years of school were especially difficult. At least that was about me. Now I have to talk to actual clients! What was I thinking?! I’m making a fool of myself! People need to talk about real issues in their lives! They need help and I can’t even have a casual conversation with them!

My supervisor congratulates me for starting my practice. I burst into tears. These are not tears of joy. I’m really scared. She’s surprised, “What are you worried about?” “No one will want to be my client. I am a foreigner! What should I do if I don’t understand them. Or they don’t understand me?” She smiles, “That may happen. If someone chooses not to work with you, it is okay. If you don’t under stand your client, ask them to explain. Just tell them up front: ‘Obviously English is my second language and I am from a different culture, how do you feel about working with me?’ If they choose not to work with you it is fine. There are other people who will be OK.” I have a good supervisor. Her words make me feel better. She takes out her notepad, “What kind of client do you prefer to work with?” I think about it for a moment, “I’d like to work with young women who suffer from depression or anxiety!” I guess what I mean is I want to work with myself.

I was depressed when I came to the US. Actually, that’s why I decided to be a therapist in the first place. Back in Iran I was a confident, successful, happy be a therapist in the first place. Back in Iran I was a confident, successful, happy person, but when I arrived to the US I felt lost. I didn’t know who I was anymore. t. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I noticed how people treated me differently, with less respect, just because I I noticed how people treated me differently, with less respect, just because I couldn’t speak English well. I lost my confidence, my identity and even my couldn’t speak English well. I lost my confidence, my identity and even my certainties in life. certainties in life. It was this experience that made me want to be a therapist and e a therapist and to help other people in my situation. And it was that decision that helped me with to help other people in my situation. And it was that decision that helped me with my recovery.my recovery.

So now, I’ve started my training. I’m mostly working with young women So now, I’ve started my training. I’m mostly working with young women with depression and anxiety, and I follow my supervisor’s advice!

In the first e first session I talk openly about my limitations and I ask them how they feel about session I talk openly about my limitations and I ask them how they feel about working with a foreigner for whom English is a second language? They working with a foreigner for whom English is a second language? They appreciate my vulnerability, and my improved confidence, helps me understand appreciate my vulnerability, and my improved confidence, helps me understand them better. I’m honest them better. I’m honest with them, and this results in a better connection with them, and this results in a better connection between us. I’m becoming pretty comfortable with who I am and getting lots of between us. I’m becoming pretty comfortable with who I am and getting lots of positive feedback from them too.

But today, a new kind of client is assigned to me. A very different kind: A 75 year year old man, PTSD from the Vietnam war! I feel panicked, but I can’t refuse to see TSD from the Vietnam war! I feel panicked, but I can’t refuse to see him. It wouldn't be professional.

A tall, large, handsome man walks in the room. He’s limping. He turns his chair toward the wall. No eye contact. I’m shaking! My mouth is dry. I hope he contact. I hope he doesn't doesn't notice my anxiety. I’m actually grateful that he isn't looking at me. He starts to talk with a deep confident voice. That makes me even more anxious. He gives me his basic information. He seems sad. I begin to feel more anxious. He gives me his basic information. He seems sad. I begin to feel more connected and comfortable with him. I like him. “Did you injure your leg in the war?” He raises his eyebrow, “No, Jack Daniels knocked me down last night!” I scan his file quickly. There were few names in there, but no Jack Daniel. Who is Jack Daniel? I get nervous. I try to follow my supervisor’s advice, but I don’t know what to ask. I finally decide to tackle the issue head on, “Tell me more about Jack Daniel.” He laughs out loud. This is very confusing! OK, that question didn’t help. “Tell me more about your relationship with Jack Daniel.” Jack Daniel.” He laughs louder, then he falls silent. His face turns sad, “It is a love hate relationship!” He turns to me, “Listen! I know that I have a problem, that’s why I’m here!” I feel my heart beating. I don't understand. Why does he assume that I know I know Jack Daniel?! Is that his partner? Maybe he is gay. Why did Jack Daniel knock Jack Daniel?! Is that his partner? Maybe he is gay. Why did Jack Daniel knock him down? Is this a domestic violence case? He seems ashamed. Is that why him down? Is this a domestic violence case? He seems ashamed. Is that why he doesn't make eye contact with me? This is the worst time for me to ask who he doesn't make eye contact with me? This is the worst time for me to ask who is Jack Daniel!

He keeps talking, and trying to hide his tears. I really want to help him but I’m confused. The session ends. He says, “I usually don’t talk that much, but I feel safe and comfortable with you. I want to see you, again.” I have so many questions in my head. I try to calm myself down. I decide to call my supervisor as soon as I get home. On my way, I stop at a gas station mini market. Inside, I notice a whiskey bottle. Jack Daniels! I can’t believe my eyes! In the months to come, we work through his alcohol dependency, and his PTSD.

Later he tells me that he has been in therapy many times before, and he came to see me to work on his PTSD, but his dependency had never been addressed. He’s grateful that I asked him about his relationship with Jack Daniels! And I am grateful for him. Now I have a better understanding of some of my clients' relationships: with Jim Beam, Johnny Walker and, of course, Jack Daniels.